A Hidden Truth Read online

  My shoulders drooped. “But why? You said you would give me skating lessons.”

  He leaned closer. “And I very much look forward to giving you those lessons. But not when there might be thin ice. And not when I must go and help cut timber after the noonday meal. Much help is needed to keep a gut supply throughout the winter. You should tell Anton that if he is not busy with the sheep, he should come and help us. The more men who help, the more wood for our fires, ja?”

  I forced a smile and nodded. “I don’t know if Anton can help. Cousin George may have work for him.”

  If Anton agreed to cut lumber, Karlina, who had been doing her best to make Anton feel welcome in East, might decide we should wait to go skating. And that was the last thing I wanted. Besides, how much wood could be needed in one winter? If Berndt thought the ice wasn’t thick enough for skating, the village shouldn’t require as much wood, should it? And I’d seen the men going out into the timbers and returning with the large horse-drawn wagons filled with heavy uncut logs. Surely cutting more wood wasn’t necessary today. They had the remainder of the winter to chop down trees.

  Berndt withdrew a large bread-laden tray from the wagon. “I know there may be other work for him, but we can use his help if he is not needed otherwise. If he is able, he should meet us at the Fuchs’ kitchen house after lunch. You will tell him, ja?”

  I couldn’t be certain what Anton would choose to do. After spending so much time with the sheep, he might enjoy working with the men. “I’ll tell Karlina to speak to him when she goes down to the barn this morning.”

  He grinned. “Danke. And once the freezing weather returns, I will take you skating. I promise.”

  “I look forward to the day when you will keep your promise.” I lifted the tray from his arms. “But do not be surprised if I find time to go before then.”

  His dark eyes clouded, but I turned and strode back to the kitchen before he could utter any more warnings. What I had hoped would be a sweet afternoon with Berndt had already turned sour.

  Cousin Louise opened the door for me, and I placed the tray on the worktable. She drew near and quickly inspected the bread. “There is something I must say to you, Dovie.” Concern clouded her eyes as she met my gaze. “It is better that you think of Berndt as no more than an acquaintance—a fleeting friend. He is a nice young man, and I am afraid he may begin to think of you as more than a friend.” She inhaled a deep breath. “If he is interested in more than friendship, he will be deeply hurt when you depart for Texas.” She arched her brows. “It is not fair to give him hope for something that can never be. Do you understand?”

  My jaw dropped. She thought I had been encouraging Berndt’s attentions, acting in a flirtatious manner with no thought for the future. No consideration of how my actions might affect both him and me. She obviously didn’t realize that Berndt had been the one who’d initiated our friendship. I had merely responded to his kindness. Granted, I now enjoyed his company more than that of anyone other than Karlina, but I hadn’t been flirtatious—not in the least. Of late, I had given consideration to my future both in Amana and in Texas, but those thoughts had not included Berndt. After all, we didn’t know each other very well, so why would she make such comments?

  As Cousin Louise continued her warning, what had happened suddenly became clear. “You told his father to change the bread route,” I whispered.

  “Ja, I did. I could see in Berndt’s eyes that he was already caring too much for you. What I did was not to hurt you or to hurt him, Dovie. It was to save both of you from disappointment and pain.” She reached out and put her arm around my shoulder. “Your Vater left you in my protection, and I must do all that I can to make sure nothing bad will happen to you while you are with us.” She released my shoulder. “Now, we must get busy before we fall behind with our work. The other women will soon be here.”

  There was no need to say anything. I didn’t doubt her good intentions, or the fact that she wanted to protect me. But I was old enough to protect myself—and so was Berndt. Was it so terrible to want to enjoy the company of another person?

  The clanging of pots and pans drew me from my thoughts, and I quietly set about my breakfast duties. I fried sausages, peeled potatoes, and sliced bread. I filled dishes with strawberry preserves and rhubarb jam, and I fetched coffee when needed. Yet throughout the remainder of the morning, I continued to dwell upon Cousin Louise’s remarks.

  “Why so quiet this morning?” Sister Marta stood beside me rolling dumplings that would be dropped into the beef broth for the noonday soup. “Other than a greeting when we arrived, you have said nothing to any of us. Are you not feeling well?”

  I forced a feeble smile. “I am fine.”

  “I think you are missing your Mutter. It is normal to be sad after a death, but you must remember that your Mutter would want you to be happy and to serve Christ with a joyful heart.” She balanced another dumpling on the growing pile.

  “I’m sure you’re right, Sister Marta.” She finished rolling the last of the mixture and carried the large bowl to the stove. Her gesture was kind, but I didn’t want to hear that I should serve Christ with a joyful heart. I wanted to hear that Berndt could go ice skating with me. Ugly as it would seem to Sister Marta, that was the truth.

  It wasn’t until the bell rang to announce the noonday meal that I realized I’d forgotten to tell Karlina or Anton about the wood cutting. I hurried to fill the remaining serving bowls while watching for Karlina. Moments later, the back door burst open, and Karlina removed her cape and hurried toward me, a smile splitting her face.

  “Anton is going with us. He was most pleased for the invitation.” She rubbed her hands together and held them close to the stove. “I think he is beginning to like it here.”

  “I don’t know why you worry about his happiness so much, Karlina. Are you beginning to care for him?” I winked and gave her a little shove with my hip.

  “Nein! A contented shepherd makes for contented sheep. That is why I want him to be happy living here.”

  I giggled. “So it is only the sheep you worry about? I’m not so sure I believe you.”

  “I will admit that I am liking him more than when he first arrived. He has softened a little and is trying to do what he is told. The sheep are more at ease with him now, so that is a gut sign.”

  “Always the sheep,” I said.

  “Karlina! You need to go to the dining room and quit interfering with our work.” Waving her wooden spoon, Sister Marta shooed Karlina toward the other room.

  I grasped her arm as she stepped away from the stove. “There is something I forgot to tell you.”

  “Karlina!” Wrinkles as deep as a rugged canyon creased Cousin Louise’s face. “Listen to what Sister Marta has told you and go into the dining hall. You know better than to visit in the Küche during mealtime.”

  “Tell me later,” Karlina whispered. Skirting between the women, she stopped only long enough to say, “I’m sorry, Mutter.”

  This afternoon I was helping to keep the bowls and platters filled, so there would be no chance to tell her about Berndt until after the meal. I watched the table where Karlina was seated. The moment the bowl of potatoes emptied, I hurried to the table with a refill. The aroma of succulent roasted pork wafted toward me as I bent forward. My stomach growled and Karlina covered her mouth with a napkin to hide her laughter.

  I leaned close to her ear. “We need to talk as soon as the after-meal prayer is recited.”

  Sister Bertha cleared her throat with a noisy growl. When I glanced in her direction, the old sister shot me a look of extreme disapproval. I had kept my voice at a whisper, but even that annoyed her. I backed away from the table. With any luck, Sister Marta would agree to serve Sister Bertha’s table for the remainder of the meal.

  When I returned to the kitchen, Cousin Louise pointed to the worktable, where some of the other women sat eating. “I fixed you a plate. The junior girls will keep a watch if anything is needed.”

>   I sat beside Cousin Louise, thankful to be away from Sister Bertha’s disapproving looks and thankful for the warm food that would stop the growl in my stomach. Because I was eager for the meal to end, it seemed to go on forever. Cousin Marta, determined to cheer me, did her best to draw me into the idle chatter around the worktable—something the women enjoyed in the kitchen but was frowned upon in the dining hall.

  When I heard the scraping of chairs and the murmured prayer that followed the meal, I jumped to my feet and carried my dirty plate to the sink. Before I turned around, Karlina was at my side.

  Taking hold of her wrist, I pulled her to a far corner of the room. “There is something I forgot to tell you this morning before you went down to the barn.” Watching that none of the other women would draw close and overhear, I told her Berndt would not be coming with us. Karlina frowned and I shook my head. “But that is not all of it. He said Anton should come and help the men cut timber if he is not busy today. Berndt said he should come to the Fuchs’ Küche after the noonday meal.”

  “But we are going skating.” Karlina wrung her hands together while the other women scurried about the kitchen with a determination that resembled a swarm of worker bees. “You forgot to tell him or me. It was an honest mistake. I’m sure there are more than enough men to help cut timber.” She grinned and clasped my hand. “There’s no harm done.”

  I sighed with relief. “Will you tell Anton?”

  Karlina shrugged. “There’s no reason. Berndt will think Vater had chores for Anton to complete. As soon as you finish here, come to the barn and meet us. I have already taken your skates down there.”

  A sense of relief washed over me as I trudged through the frozen, snow-dusted grass toward the sheep barn an hour later. Karlina’s response had eased my conscience. But when I thought of Berndt, a sense of regret remained. I had truly wanted him by my side today.

  Karlina and Anton sat near one of the doors, skates slung across their shoulders. Anton jumped to his feet the minute I entered. He frowned and impatience shone in his eyes. “What took so long?”

  A spark of anger flared in my chest, and I returned his frown. “There is much work that goes into preparing meals in the Küche and much that must be cleaned afterward, as well. I do more than sit here with the sheep all day.”

  His eyes turned dark. “You think all I do is sit in the barn?”

  Karlina stepped between us. “We all work hard, but now we are going to have a few hours of fun. Don’t spoil our afternoon with arguing.” She tugged on Anton’s sleeve. “Come. Let’s go to the pond.”

  She shot a pleading look in my direction, and I gave a nod. “You’re right.” Overhead the sun shone bright, and all signs of the early morning frost had disappeared. I glanced toward the sky and recalled Berndt’s warning. “Berndt said the ice might be weak in places.”

  “I will check to see how it looks when we get there, but I think it will be fine.” Anton leaned around Karlina and met my gaze. “I thought Berndt was coming with us. Is he busy baking more bread?” He chuckled.

  “What is funny about baking bread? You eat it at every meal and should be thankful there are good bakers in the village.”

  Karlina sighed. “Must the two of you argue about everything?”

  Anton tipped the brim of his cap. “I am sorry, Dovie. Baking bread is honorable work. I shouldn’t have laughed. But you still haven’t told me. Where is Berndt?”

  I glanced at Karlina. “He had to go and help cut timber this afternoon.”

  “Ach! Getting up in the middle of the night to bake bread and then cutting timber all afternoon, there is no rest for him.”

  “And no skating,” I said.

  The three of us approached an area along one side of the pond where ashes and the remains of burned logs were circled by large rocks and some thick logs. While Karlina and I collected pieces of wood and tossed them into the fire pit, Anton continued toward the pond to examine the ice.

  After walking out onto the ice in several places, he trudged toward us and flashed a smile. “It is gut and thick at this end, but I am not so sure once you get closer to the middle. I think we shouldn’t go beyond that line of trees.” He pointed to a spot about midway down the length of the pond. He looked at both of us. “You see where I mean.”

  “Ja, we can see the row of trees.” Karlina lifted her gloved hand and pointed to the spot. “Over there.”

  We strapped on our skates while Anton started the fire. Karlina and I held hands as we made our way onto the ice. It had been many years since I had skated, and I’d never been good at the winter sport.

  “It will go better if you glide instead of taking those short, choppy steps.” Karlina showed me by moving her feet in an exaggerated smooth movement.

  I wrinkled my nose. “If I thought I could glide without falling, I would glide.”

  Anton joined us on the ice and soon turned and began to skate backward. He held out his hands to me. “Hold my hands and try to glide. I won’t let you fall.”

  I glanced at Karlina, and she gave a nod. “Go ahead. You need to become sure of yourself, and then it will be easy.”

  While Anton helped to steady me, Karlina skated in a circle around us and shouted words of encouragement. She applauded when Anton let loose of my hands and I managed to glide for a short distance before returning to my short, jerky steps. Anton immediately grabbed my hands and forced me back to the earlier glide. Though it took a while until I felt more at ease, I took off on my own sometime later.

  Karlina and Anton were soon skating side by side, the two of them in perfect symmetry as they created figure eights or turned to skate backward and then forward. Unlike my clunky movements as I continued down the pond, they had an elegance all their own. My gaze shifted and I caught sight of a young man sitting near the fire. I squinted into the bright sunlight. It almost looked like Berndt.

  But it couldn’t be. He was cutting timber.

  Anton skated past me, waving his arm toward the man. He cupped his hands to his mouth. “Berndt! Come and join us. I am glad to see you. Dovie can use your help out here.” Moments later, with expert precision, Anton came to a stop at the edge of the ice.

  Soon Karlina skated past me, but when I tried to glide along behind her, I lost my footing and dropped to the ice. After one failed attempt, I gained my footing and returned to my clunky hitch-step style.

  I watched Berndt push up from the log. Taking long strides, he walked toward Anton. Shoulders straight and lips sealed in a tight angry line, he strode to the pond’s edge. “Is this how you help others in our village?”

  Anton smiled. “Ja, I have been helping Dovie all afternoon. She is doing much better with her skating.”

  Their voices echoed in the silence of the cold winter afternoon.

  “I am not talking about Dovie and her skating. I am talking about cutting firewood to keep our people warm on cold winter days.” His voice cracked with anger. “Instead of working alongside the other men in the village, you are out here having fun with the girls. What kind of man shuns his duty toward the community?”

  My stomach clenched and fear gripped my heart. Like a bird learning to fly, I fluttered my arms to maintain my balance and drew close to Karlina. I clutched her arm.

  The veins in Anton’s neck were stretched taut.

  My fear swelled to new heights. I opened my mouth, but the words stuck in my throat. Anton pulled back his arm. I strained to reach him, but my effort failed.

  With one swift, decisive motion, he landed a hard fist in Berndt’s midsection.

  CHAPTER 12

  I watched in horror as the two men fell in a heap on the ground. Berndt held a definite advantage since Anton hadn’t removed his ice skates. On the other hand, Anton stood a head taller than Berndt and was every bit as muscular. Karlina and I cried for the two of them to stop as Berndt pulled Anton back to his feet. Neither listened to our shouted pleas, so while fists continued to fly, Karlina removed her skates.

 
; With the fearlessness of a mountain lion, Karlina forced her way between the two men. Anton hoisted his fist in the air, but at the sight of Karlina, he dropped his arm.

  “Both of you stop!” Karlina’s shout cracked through the air like a buggy whip.

  Rage contorted their faces as both of them took a backward step. A button from Anton’s coat lay on the ground, and a ripped seam in Berndt’s jacket would need stitching. Leaning to one side and peering around me, Berndt balled one hand into a fist and extended his arm toward Anton. “I should have given you more of this!”

  I took a sidestep to block his view of Anton. “Stop it, Berndt! What are you thinking? I can’t believe you would do this.”

  He glared at me. “Why are you criticizing me? He threw the first punch. I only protected myself. It’s Anton who doesn’t know how to conduct himself.”

  Karlina stepped around Anton, who had now removed his skates and appeared ready to begin another round of fighting. “Berndt! This isn’t Anton’s fault. He didn’t know about cutting timber this afternoon. Dovie forgot to pass the message to me before I left after breakfast. By the time she told me, it was too late for Anton to join you, so I didn’t bother to tell him.”

  “You just decided not to tell me?” Anton’s eyebrows shot high on his forehead, and disbelief shone in his eyes.

  Karlina nodded. “Ja. The men would have already left for the woods, and—”

  “Did you decide I could not find my way to the woods?” Once again the vein in Anton’s neck tightened like a thick rope.

  “Well, they move about, and you’re not familiar with East and where the men do their cutting. I’m not certain, either.”

  “Well, I’m sure your father could have given me some idea. Now I appear to be lazy and unwilling to help where needed.” He glowered at Berndt. “When word of this gets out, I will never be accepted.”

  “And do you think this fighting helps? I doubt the elders would be pleased to hear there were fists flying this afternoon.” She turned toward Berndt. “And who are you to decide what work any man in this village should do? You’re not a farm baas who sends the men out to work each day.”