A Shining Light Read online

  “Because I told him his father was dead and now Fred has reappeared. In some ways, I understand. He trusted what I told him.” I shrugged. “Of course, I trusted what Mr. Brighton, the owner of the shipping line, told me. I should be delighted my husband is alive, and yet—”

  “It is hard to welcome his return when you lived with such unhappiness.” She squeezed my hand. “I will pray that God will grant you joy and happiness now. I am not sure if that will be with Fred, but that is my fervent wish for you, and I do not believe anyone could find fault with such a prayer.”

  I choked back my tears. “Thank you, Greta.”

  Benches scraped across the wood floors in the dining room, announcing the end of the morning meal. We strode into the other room, and as we gathered the dirty dishes onto trays, Greta nudged my arm. “You will tell me what happens at the elders’ meeting, ja?”

  I nodded. “As soon as we’ve finished, I must go over to the doctor’s office and speak with Fred. I’ll come back as soon as I can.”

  I inhaled a deep breath and tried to calm my fears as I headed off to see Fred. I took comfort in the sound of my shoes clacking along the wooden sidewalk that lined the long trailing street. There was a peacefulness in this tidy village that I had grown to appreciate soon after we arrived. Though Sister Erma said I would find the same orderly design in all seven villages, I had my doubts. She’d laughed at my skepticism and gone on to tell me all of the villages had been modeled to resemble German Dorfs, with extended main streets and many intermittent offshoots. The barns and sheds were situated at one end of the village, the workshops and factories at the other. Although there was no calico or woolen mill in West Amana, the village did boast a large flour mill.

  The houses, whether constructed of sandstone, brick, or wood, all displayed grapevine-covered trellises that helped keep the houses cool during the heat of summer and produced some of the grapes used to make jams and jellies. I strode past the Schaefer Küche, a reminder that I had left the kitchen work to Sisters Erma and Greta. However, if given a choice, I’d rather help in the Küche than visit Fred.

  I took a bit of solace in knowing the midday lunches did not require a great deal of preparation. The midmorning and mid­afternoon meals had seemed odd to me when I’d first begun my work in the Küche. It had taken only a few days to learn that hard labor required full stomachs, and there was a great deal of hard labor in the village.

  While the midmorning lunch, as Sister Erma referred to it, didn’t usually require a great deal of preparation, it did interrupt our days. Midmorning lunch was served two and a half hours after breakfast, while the midafternoon lunch was served three hours after the noonday meal. Three and a half hours elapsed between the midafternoon lunch and supper.

  Today they would serve brick cheese, apple butter, bread, and coffee for the midmorning lunch. Before departing, I had sliced the cheese and spooned apple butter into bowls. It hadn’t been much, but Sister Erma said every little bit helped. I hoped my little bit would help them today.

  I hesitated outside the doctor’s office to gather my courage. I didn’t want to argue with Fred. After a quick prayer that our talk would go well, I pushed down the heavy metal latch and opened the door. The bell jangled overhead, and Dr. Karr stepped into the waiting room.

  “Sister Andrea! It is gut to see you.” He traced his fingers through his thatch of gray hair.

  Instead of entering the sick room, I stepped to the doctor’s side. “I have spoken with Brother Bosch. He tells me that my husband has been a difficult patient and that he has been rude to you and your wife. Please accept my apologies.”

  “Ach! You do not need to apologize for the offenses of others, Sister.”

  “But he is my husband and you have provided care as well as your hospitality. I am going to speak with him about his attitude.” I went on to offer my assistance caring for Fred during my breaks, but the doctor shook his head.

  “We will wait to see how he progresses. The laudanum has helped him sleep, and the tincture may help the effects of his malaria. If his condition deteriorates, we may be required to transport him to the hospital in Cedar Rapids. For sure, such a journey would be difficult, but he is a determined man. In the meantime, we will be praying that his spirit will heal along with his body.” He patted my arm. “You go and visit with him, but you have your duties in the Küche. Do not worry about his medical care. As long as the elders permit him to remain here, I will do my best to help him.” He gestured toward the other room. “Now, you go on and see your husband.”

  I whispered my thanks and crossed the room. Inhaling a deep breath, I stopped a short distance from the door and whispered, “Please open his eyes and soften his heart.” I had hoped to include much more in my prayer but was stopped by Fred’s harsh voice.

  “What are ya standing around for? Get in here, Andrea!”

  A knot settled deep in my stomach as I entered the room.

  Chapter 14

  This conversation would be difficult. Seldom had I attempted to tell Fred what he should do or how he should act. My few endeavors had always been met with scorn and laughter. I wasn’t certain if the laudanum would help his temperament, but after hearing his angry tone, I had my doubts.

  Forcing a smile, I entered the room. “Good morning, Fred. You look a little more rested this morning. Did you sleep well last night?”

  “You can quit puttin’ on. You don’t care how much sleep I got last night. Fact is, you were probably hopin’ you’d find me dead this mornin’.”

  Careful to place the chair where he couldn’t reach me, I sat down. My husband might be as weak as a kitten, but years of conditioning had taught me to keep my distance. Besides, his angry response signaled the laudanum hadn’t quelled his temper.

  “Believe what you will, Fred. I didn’t come here to argue, so I won’t attempt to change your mind.”

  “Why did ya come? Them do-gooders tryin’ to get rid of me?”

  My already flagging spirits declined another notch. Couldn’t this man show a little appreciation and civility? “No one is trying to get rid of you, Fred. At least not yet.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean? I got until tomorrow before they toss me out?”

  “From what I understand, that will depend upon you.” I folded my shaking hands and placed them in my lap.

  He shifted his weight and grimaced. “Infernal leg! Pain in my side ain’t as bad, but now my leg’s achin’. Why don’t that doc do somethin’ to help my pain?”

  “I believe he has given you laudanum for the pain, and he’s cleaned the wound in your side. What did you want him to do? Remove your leg?”

  Anger flickered in his eyes. “Is that s’posed to be funny? You’d like to see me gimpin’ around with only one leg. That’d make ya happy, wouldn’t it?”

  “No, it would not make me happy,” I snapped. If I didn’t quickly change the course of this conversation, nothing I’d set out to accomplish would be achieved. I took a breath and calmed myself. “No, it would not make me happy,” I repeated, this time keeping an even tone.

  He narrowed his eyes, glared at me, and exhaled a guttural sound that proclaimed he didn’t believe me.

  Squeezing my folded hands until they ached, I organized my thoughts. I wanted to be clear and concise without provoking him. Changing Fred’s mood would be no small task, but I needed to try.

  “Due to our circumstances, we need to do everything in our power to make this situation work. Neither of us has money to pay for our daily needs or your medical care. The colonists have been very nice to Lukas and me, and they have extended that same consideration to you.” I leaned forward and lowered my voice. “We need to treat them with the same respect and kindness, don’t you think?”

  “I ain’t too worried. If they’re the religious folks they profess to be, they should turn the other cheek—ain’t that right? I think there’s somethin’ else about doing good to them that persecute you.”

  Strange how Fred c
ould use passages from the Bible to his advantage. His defiant attitude hadn’t changed a bit. “That’s true, but there’s also a passage that says to love your neighbor as yourself. You’re not acting like you love anyone as much as you love yourself.” Noticing his fierce look, I hastened to add, “I know it’s difficult to be agreeable when suffering such immense pain, but if you could try a little harder, I know it would help our situation.”

  “What would help our situation, as you put it, would be some money so we could get outta this place. I’m still wonderin’ if you’re hidin’ the money from me.”

  I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. How did one convince such a stubborn man? “I’m sorry you doubt me, but I think you know that I would not have remained in the colonies if I had found any money. Why would I take advantage of these people if I had money to provide a home for Lukas and me?”

  He worked his jaw as if mulling over the idea. “If I find out you been lyin’, I’ll make your life miserable. You know that, don’t ya?”

  “Yes, Fred. I know that.” I wanted to add that he’d made my life miserable for many years, but such a retort would only stir more animosity. I tamped down my irritation and continued to keep my voice low. “At the moment, we need help, and I don’t know anyone who is going to assist us except the people in this village. Could you muster an occasional thank-you and perhaps be more patient? The doctor and his wife are doing everything possible to tend to your needs. You aren’t the only person in the village who needs medical attention.”

  Instead of immediately answering, he stared at a small crack in the ceiling above his head. Finally he turned his head and looked at me. “I guess I can try, but they best not expect too much. I ain’t never been one for thankin’ folks at every whipstitch.”

  “You had a softer side years ago—before you went to work on the docks. I haven’t forgotten the wild flowers you picked for me when you courted me—or the sweet words you said.” I’d had to dig deep to force those words from my lips. Not because they were lies. They weren’t. Fred had been a different man when he’d courted me, but soon after our marriage his behavior had changed. I hadn’t seen evidence of that courting man for so long that I’d almost forgotten he ever existed. It was much easier to recall the man he’d become in Baltimore. The man who had treated me with anger and disdain over and over again.

  He massaged his forehead as if attempting to force memories of those bygone days to the forefront of his mind. “Don’t seem like I’ll have much choice but to try.” His features relaxed ever so slightly. “But don’t expect too much.”

  I covered my mouth as a tiny gasp escaped. His sudden change of attitude astonished me. Though uncertain I could trust him, at least I could report a somewhat positive result to Brother Bosch.

  “Thank you for your willingness to try, Fred. Any positive changes will benefit all three of us.”

  “Speaking of three—when you gonna bring Lukas back over here to see me? He didn’t appear none too happy to see his pa among the livin’.”

  I didn’t understand the sudden interest in Lukas. In the past, he’d always wanted the boy to remain quiet and out of sight. “Your arrival was a shock. To have you reappear after believing you’d died at sea isn’t something that happens every day, now is it? He’s young and it’s difficult for him to comprehend what’s happened.”

  “Stayin’ away won’t make it any easier to understand. Bring him over here after school.”

  Fear crawled down my spine. After striking a tentative agreement, I didn’t want to anger Fred, but what about Lukas? I wasn’t sure he could bear coming for a visit so soon. “He helps at the tinsmith’s shop after school each day. All of the children help with various tasks throughout the village.” I didn’t add that Lukas went by choice—that he was too young to be apprenticed to any of the craftsmen in the village. “What if I brought him over in the morning before he goes to school?” I held my breath and waited, hoping he would agree.

  “How ’bout you bring him over after supper?”

  My ploy hadn’t worked. I’d hoped to bring Lukas in the morning when he wouldn’t have to stay long—when there would be a valid excuse for him to leave. I hesitated only a moment. “Once I finish my duties in the kitchen, I’ll bring him over.” I didn’t mention the fact that we’d need to leave after a few minutes and attend prayer meeting. Better to wait until the time arrived. I wasn’t sure what I would do if he objected, but I’d cross that bridge when I came to it. “Right now, I need to return to the kitchen. I’ve already been gone far too long.”

  “They know you got a sick husband that just come back from the dead, don’t they?” He chuckled as if he thought his remark humorous.

  “Yes, they know you’re ill, but that doesn’t mean that I’m excused from all of my duties. Besides, they’re already shorthanded. If I’m gone, it leaves too much work for the others. They’ve already had to prepare the midmorning lunch without me. I need to get back and help with the noonday meal.” I stood before he could offer any further objection. “Lukas and I will return this evening.”

  “I got nothin’ to do but lay in this bed all day. You could stop over this afternoon, couldn’t ya?”

  “I’m needed to help in the garden this afternoon. The doctor says rest is the best thing to help you heal.” I took a step toward the doorway. “Is there anything special I can bring this evening when we come to visit?”

  Only books and magazines of a religious or agricultural nature were available in the colonies, but I didn’t expect Fred would request reading material. He could read as well as most men who’d attended school through the eighth grade, but he’d never been interested in reading, not even the local newspaper.

  “Maybe a pen and paper—and some envelopes.”

  His request surprised me. “I’m not sure how you’ll be able to write a letter while lying in bed, but maybe I can bring a board of some sort.” I looked around the room. “When I return, we’ll figure out something that will work.”

  “That would be good.”

  It wasn’t a thank-you, but at least he hadn’t snarled at me. I bid him good-bye and hurried out of the doctor’s office before he could suggest a good-bye kiss. I’d gone only a short distance when I spotted Dr. Karr waving to me from the other side of the street. I waited until a wagon filled with bags of grain passed and then joined him.

  “Your visit went well?” The doctor arched his bushy brows.

  “As well as I could expect. I think my husband will be a little less demanding in the future, but if his temperament doesn’t change for the better, please let me know.”

  The doctor smiled. “That is gut to hear, but we must continue to pray for him.”

  I nodded my agreement while hoping I could count on Fred to keep his word.

  There hadn’t been time to speak with Brother Bosch prior to the noonday meal, but once the after-meal prayer had been recited, I looked in his direction. I sighed when he walked out the men’s door at the end of the dining room.

  Tray in hand, Sister Erma bustled into the room and began to clear one of the tables. “You spoke with Brother Heinrich?”

  “Nein.” I tried to hide my disappointment. “Maybe the elders didn’t have time to complete all of their business before the noonday meal.”

  “Even so, he could have stopped long enough to tell you what they decided about your future.” She gave a dismissive wave. “Men! Sometimes they do not think about how women worry.”

  Only moments after the words had escaped her mouth, Brother Bosch appeared in the doorway between the kitchen and dining room. His broad shoulders almost filled the narrow space.

  “You can stop your work for a few minutes, Sister Andrea?” His brown eyes twinkled. “I do not wish to worry you or Sister Erma any longer.”

  Sister Erma snapped to attention. “For sure, she can come and speak with you. It is gut to know you do not wish to worry us any longer, Brother Heinrich.” Apparently she hadn’t been embarrassed to have her re
mark overheard. She motioned for me to join the elder. “Take as much time as you need. The schoolgirls are here to help.”

  I joined Brother Bosch on the back porch. Each of us sat down in one of the straight-backed chairs used by the sisters when we sat outdoors to clean vegetables.

  “You went to visit your husband this morning?”

  As a warm breezed drifted across the backyard, I told him of Fred’s agreement. “I am hopeful he will keep his word and be more pleasant during the remainder of his convalescence.”

  Brother Bosch leaned back in the chair. “That is a gut report. I am encouraged to hear your husband has agreed to treat others with greater kindness.”

  “And what of your meeting? Was a decision made regarding our future?”

  He smiled and nodded. “Ja. The elders are in agreement that we should continue to extend charity to your family. It has been decided that you and your son will remain in the kitchen house with Sister Erma and your husband will remain at Dr. Karr’s office.” He removed his pipe and filled the bowl with tobacco. “The doctor tells us his future health is uncertain. For now, all of you are welcome to remain.”

  I exhaled a relieved sigh. “Thank you. Your decision makes me very happy.”

  He lit the pipe and puffed until the tobacco glowed red. “Gut.” He pushed up from the chair and blew a smoke ring into the air. “Still, we must remember to pray for him.”

  I wasn’t sure how many times I’d heard that admonition. With so many people praying that Fred would change, surely God would look upon the request with favor. And yet, I couldn’t help but wonder what the future would hold for Lukas and me. Even if Fred changed, I wasn’t sure I could forget the past. Perhaps I could forgive what he’d done to me, but I could never forget the way he’d treated Lukas.

  Throughout the remainder of the afternoon, I dwelled on what lay ahead. Not in six months or a year, but this very evening. After supper, I’d have to break my promise to Lukas. I’d tried always to keep my word to him, but this evening I’d have to keep my word to Fred instead of Lukas. Our future depended upon it. If I didn’t appear with Lukas, I doubted whether Fred would keep his anger in check.